


Snicker Snack

by llenclyen



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland (2010), Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), Firefly, His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Serenity (2005)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 14:37:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2351906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llenclyen/pseuds/llenclyen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is in line with my other works.  Set in early 1953 London, we get to see Alice in action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snicker Snack

Alice was walking towards the Red Queen's court. It had been a terribly dull day, like a book without pictures. She had managed to convince a few people to cover their condition with perfectly suitable hats, but the day was still quite dreary. She and the Red Queen were going for tea at the flower garden. The Red Queen had wished to introduce Alice to some of her subjects saying that she would be the life of the party. Alice had complied, as she did not wish to upset the Queen, and usually such events were enjoyable, but when compared to her other adventures these days in court were bland. The Red Queen was also quite undignified at these events and none of the court would be properly dressed! It was a terrible scandal. Alice herself was wearing a purple beret with a blue feather which showed everyone that she was a proper lady.  
Cheshire meowed as they started to walk past a graveyard. This was curious behavior, so Alice stopped and asked him what was the matter. Then she saw them.  
They were disguised like statues of angels but they were quite clearly fearsome monsters with jaws to bite and claws to catch. Alice stared at the five of them quite hard and was still staring at them when the Red Queen arrived.  
“Alice, I was worried, you were supposed to meet me at the firm and -”  
“Don't blink! They are faster than you can imagine.”  
Lyra followed the gaze of her friend and saw the statues of weeping angels.  
“That's funny, I don't remember them being there before. Alice what are you doing?”  
“I'm killing it with my mind.”  
As much as stone could emote one of them did look like it was coming down with a headache, but that wasn't possible, they were stone surely.  
“Alice my colleagues are waiting at the Red Rose Pub and I-”  
The younger woman frowned then shook her head.  
“Silly Alice, these are Jabberwocky, you shall need the snicker snack.”  
“Alice?”  
Lyra jogged a bit to catch up with the determined stride of her friend.  
“Where are you going?”  
“To see the Black Joker. He has the vorproal sword. You need that if you are going to slay a Jabberwocky.”  
Lyra had invited Alice to the pub precisely because watching other people talk to her was always amusing, but trying to make sense of it all was a bit of a difficulty. After a moment she thought she knew what was going through her friend's head.  
“Are you planning on defacing church property by destroying those angels?”  
Alice gave Lyra a rather puzzled look.  
“What on earth are you talking about? Surely you could see they were Jabberwocky in disguise. You can only kill a Jabberwocky with a vorproal sword.”  
So yes, Alice was planning on defacing church property. As a paralegal, Lyra had a clear duty to prevent this from happening. And while it would have been enjoyable to loose Alice upon her colleagues, especially if she could have gotten both Alice and her colleagues drunk, it looked as though the mad little girl was off to have her own adventure. Since neither Susan nor Wendy were there, it was up to Lyra to ensure that the certain chaos that would result from this would not be traced back to anyone. That was as good as preventing the chaos in the first place in Lyra's mind and besides, statues didn't have legal rights.  
The two women walked down the street towards a clock repair shop, all the while Alice's strange daemon was chanting a poem about 'slithy toves'. 'Fixing Time' was the name of the shop and Alice strode in with a determined gait.  
“Joker, Joker, where are you? I need your snicker snack!”  
A man in garb that would have been more appropriate about a century ago stepped out from a back room.  
“Alice I have told you time and again I am not this 'Joker you speak of.”  
“Oh there you are. Why do you insist on not being called by your real name? I already know you can change your face.”  
The man winced a bit then, with and exasperated air continued the conversation.  
“What can I help you with?”  
“I need to borrow your snicker snack.”  
“I haven't the faintest idea what you are on about.”  
“The vorporal sword Joker! I need to borrow it! I'm certain you have it, you always have the best secrets.”  
The shop owner threw up his hands. “Let's make a deal shall we? If you can find this vorporal sword, you can borrow it for the evening.”  
“Like a treasure hunt!”  
“Exactly.” He grinned the grin of someone who had pulled off a clever trick. Lyra would know, she had made the same grin a number of times. As Alice wandered off in his shop the man turned his attention towards Lyra.  
“And who might you be?”  
“My name is Lyra, I'm Alice's flatmate.”  
“My word! She has flat nearby? And lives with other people who aren't mad?”  
“Well, Alice would say 'we are all mad here' but yes the rest of us are... well we are not as mad as Alice.”  
“So, are you saying that you are average then?”  
“How about you tell me your name before I answer that question.”  
The man looked slightly mortified at his breech of protocol.  
“Oh yes, how rude of me, proper introductions first. I'm The Doctor.”  
“The Doctor? Doctor who?”  
“Precisely.”  
Lyra was just about to start a true interrogation when Alice piped up from the back of the store.  
“My what a peculiar closet.”  
The Doctor looked somewhat annoyed at this. It was a peculiar closet, in fact it was a police box, which certainly was in violation of some city ordinance. However, the most interesting thing about it was the phoenix daemon perched atop it. In fact the Doctor had his own phoenix daemon, which was now flying over to sit with the other phoenix.  
Did this closet have a daemon?  
Before Lyra could consider the implications of that she heard the Doctor mutter something under his breath about how Alice would 'never get in'. He was quite mistaken.  
“My! It's much bigger in here.”  
The Doctor looked like he was having a conniption. His daemon was screeching at the other one which looked somewhat smug.  
“How did she-? Well, it doesn't matter, she'll never find-”  
“Found it!”  
Alice came out with a large sword and sledge hammer. They were both glowing with multicolored light.  
“Joker, you should have told me! You have two snicker snacks!”  
“How did you get in?”  
“It wasn't difficult, the sign clearly says 'pull to open'.”  
The Doctor looked flabbergasted and muttered something about 'always pushing'.  
“Thank you for the snicker snacks Joker, we must be going now.”  
“Now you listen to me Alice. Those are very dangerous and I simply can't have you going out with them.”  
“But you promised I could borrow them if I found them! And I did find them, they are my treasure! And I cannot have you following me in the state you're in, a naked man like yourself with a young lady and an already scandalous queen.”  
The Doctor was not wearing a hat, nor was Lyra. While it was at times inconvenient for the rest of the girls, Lyra somewhat enjoyed having Alice spread 'scandalous rumors'. However, for the time being the old man seemed rather confused, which was the natural state of the world when Alice was in the general vicinity.  
“Naked?”  
“Yes, quite naked, you should be ashamed of yourself! And I don't have time to see you properly fitted with the right hat.”  
The Doctor was still trying to work out this last statement as the two girls made their way out the door, though, saleswoman to the end, Alice did leave the Doctor with a final thought on how to remedy his condition.  
“You would look lovely in a fez!”  
******  
Alice was striding back towards the cemetery. It was dark now, but Lyra had managed to convince her companion that they should cover the weapons. It made sense, having the Jabberwocks see them coming with vorporal swords would be quite silly after all. Just as they arrived on the field of battle Alice passed the sledgehammer to Lyra. Both of the weapons cackled like lighting and the sparks played out like the lights of northern skies. Lyra felt the hair on her neck stand on end, and Pan whispered to her.  
“Are you really going to do this? She's insane and that thing looks so dangerous!”  
“Quite Pan. This will be fun. Besides they're just a few statues.”  
The street lights began to flicker. A cold shiver started up Lyra's spine, but the thrill of excitement came with it. It had been some time since her last proper adventure and the rush would be welcome. Alice walked to the open gate of the graveyard and raised her sword.  
“Jabberwoks beware! I am Alice, and no force in the land can stop me!”  
The lights went out for a moment and when they came back, five statues of angels were but a dozen paces or so from Alice. They had their arms out as if to grab any unwary passerby, and their eyes looked vicious and hungry.  
Lyra was shocked. These statues were certainly not normal for a church. That cold feeling started to rise.  
“Well, now you're in for it!” Said Pan.  
It didn't look good, the lights flickered again and when they came back, the angels were closer. Bloody hell they were fast. Lyra tried to keep her eyes on them, but the terror continued to rise. They would come. They would come and catch her and then...  
“Snnniiickkkerrrr Snack!”  
Alice's sword cut the head off the closest angel. The aura from the blade crackled and cracked like a thundercloud. The girl had a mad gleam in her eye and malicious grin.  
“One two! One two! And through and through!”  
She brought down the next one. Colored light exploding from her blade as the angel fell to pieces and disintegrated. Seeing their foes die, Lyra found her courage.  
This would not do. She was Lyra Silvertounge. She had faced armored bears, The Authority, and Metetron. She had crossed universes and the paths of death. And some pitiful statues had scared her?  
“God is dead!” She screamed as the hammer obliterated the third, then fourth angel. The two girls now eyed the last one. A look of horror came over it's face between the flickers of light. In the next flash it turned to run.  
It didn't stand a chance.  
As Lyra was panting with exhilaration, and chastising Pan who was teasing her for a moment's weakness, Alice started to shout with joy.  
“O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! The Jabberwoks we did slay!”  
“Alice, what are you on about?”  
“This is how you celebrate slaying Jabberwoks! Callooh callay! Even though you are not the Queen of Hearts you did a very good 'off with it's head'.”  
“Thank you... I think.”  
“Now we must go and tell everyone that it is safe, the Jabberwoks are dead.”  
“You know Alice, I think they would be just as happy to know that you are around. As you said, 'no force in the land can stop you.'”  
“But, surely, they should know that there were Jabberwoks!”  
“You can tell Sherlock, but the others are not as brave as he. It would only frighten them knowing that there were Jabberwocks.”  
“But I want to tell them!”  
“I know Alice.”  
The mad girl looked at her friend for a long time, considering this.  
“Well, I guess the White Queen and the Mock Turtle would worry. But the White Rabbit would-”  
“Dorothy would tell everyone about it, then it wouldn't be our secret adventure anymore, would it?”  
“You're right.” Alice sighed. Disaster averted. No one needed to know about this, so long as they got the sword and hammer back to that strange doctor. No arguments with Susan or Wendy. Thank goodness.  
“Red Queen. Would you like to come on another adventure with me sometime?”  
“Of course Alice, but perhaps I will pick our next adventure.”  
Alice cocked her head a bit and seemed to be listening to something. Lyra wished she could see the cat that Alice claimed was always there, it certainly seemed like a cat lived in the flat, but if it did then it wasn't Alice's daemon. Lyra's funny friend looked at her again.  
“Cheshire says you can pick the next adventure as long as it isn't dull.”  
“I wouldn't have it any other way.”


End file.
